Talking with Noah

Dear Reader(s?),

Some lady with big purple freeze dried lips took my picture today at the Starbux in Northampton. I am home for the Holidays, and happy to be so. However I am leaving in like 5 hours, cuz duh I have 2 work 2morro. The lady really liked me hair. She told me I was “So Cool”. She wasted about 10 real minutes of my life waiting for her windows dos pc phone to delete a picture so she could capture me. I rlly am not such a jerk I dislike those who admire me. But she her lips were ripping apart and there was a large black unidentifiasble object in the corner of them. It was a) a mole or b) a collection of dead skin and waste. I only insult this fascinating mouth issue because of her annoying ability to shamelessly interrupt a private conversation for ten true human minutes of my life with personal questions. Also she had to get at LEAST 1. picture of my hair 2. picture of my “tights” (just because I’m not wearing sweat pants doesn’t mean I’m wearing tights) and 3. my shoes.
Anyway I didn’t rlly care, just needed to get that out there.

I saw a girl on the bus ride here who got me thinking. And forgive me for being so harsh on the unfortunate looking, but I thought what I thought, and I was VERY tired and irritable. Or perhaps I have a wicked soul. But when the pig, er hog ahem Girl, walked onto the bus I gasped. Be it she Was overly fat, that is hardly the issue. I am not shocked by Overweight people. I am shocked by people who have the misfortune of having the facial parts of pigs growing on top of their human heads. But there are a surprising ammount of them. I am sure any of you people reading have seen these pig people. They have wide up turned fat piggy noses. And small beady darting eyes. Pale dull chapped skin and fine frizzy birty blond hiar. They always have an attitude and they wear long bubble coats. They like big back packs with thick straps. And water bottles. I prayed to Jesus that he would save me from 5 hours next to this creature. And he brought me just what I wanted, a boring plain girl who reads.

I would like to now take this opportunity to apologize to the piggy girls, because honestly you’re not the weirdest looking people out there. Some people were born with horrible monkey ears that shoot out of their head like freakish leaves.

xxxx

Dear Reader(s?),

The Holidays are Approaching. That usually means a lot of retards fighting in front of meat. But this year, I think it will be different! I am super excited to go home and see my family. It will be nice to get out of New York, and back inside Western Mass.
I don’t understand the feverish need to shop after the Holidays. I feel sleepy and quiet the day after ThanksGiving. EVEN if I didn’t, I wouldn’t wake up at 4 a.m. for the Wal Mart Blow Out Sale. I would hire someone to go there FOR me. But people are just so addicted to purchasing that whenever it is decided for them to go, they destroy their natural sleeping patterns and foam @ the mouth. I say screw you! Stupid. No way am I shopping on BLACK FRIDAY. And isn’t that a little Dramatic for Retail? I hear Black Friday and Gothic trees are bleeding human organs over writhing limbless children. Not a nation wide Sale.
I have little to no interest in standing in opposition to my brethren of America. If we aren’t United then, then, What Are We? So I will try to join the spirit. I will do All of my holiday shopping on that day. And I will throw up tofurkey on clearance wracks all over the city. But I refuse to go shopping the day after Christmas. PLEASE. Why must returns be made the day after Christmas? Isn’t the last place you want to be the day after Christmas in a Mall?
I’ll be Photo-Documenting my Thankful Giving this year. So, if you’re interested in a PERSONAL NEVER BEFORE SEEN SCRAP BOOK of Sexy ThxGvng, check me out.

Dear Reader(s?),

Holy Cow. So anyway, here is a picture of ME at Bedford Avenue on Election Night.

I know, I know. I am Heavily embarrassed. It is Highly unbecoming to be photographed chanting. I have no excuse other than the fact I was overwhelmed with Happiness! and American Pride!
A friend of mine noticed this picture of me on Brooklynvegan.com! Altho that seems to be a pretty touchy subject there. I for one am happy to say, that I am not a Hipster. No. I like to think of myself more as a Jock. Much more like a jock, yes.

Anyway, thats Me! And I just want everyone to know, I plan on being Very Very rich soon.

Every morning I comb this Seashell through my Ivory hair.
I place it down on the mirror and it clicks.
From the Sun, light slices through my room..
And my cushioned vanity is a sparkling sliver under that ray.
I tap my slender fingers against a marble bench.
I slide my velvet feet into polished suede.
I cover and cover my powdering face.
And, slipping on my flannel cape,
I am trotting down the looming streets.
The concrete jungle is beeping and crumbles.
I finger through my sachel, and slide my slender fingers into my black leather gloves.
As soon as I locate my lucky dragon, we glide into the portal we hide in a Telephone Pole.
And once inside I see talking Gems, with eyes and Legs.
My padded hand meets this Emerald Paw, and soon enough
We are bounding down a ceramic avenue.
The glowing birds and the crystal fox chattering,
Remind me to sing.
By the warm pink wind my melody is floating through space
To places some visit only in dreams.
I cry when I complete.
The peach tinted tears evaporate and colour the sun.
As I blush, I am lifted up, high, up up up.
I am carried back to my parlor.
And, undressing to my romper,
I dip into my sunken bed.
As the oyster shell in which I rest slowly closes,
I warm myself to perfect sleep.
Tomorrow is a brand new day,
Who knows what song I’ll sing.