Talking with Noah

Dear Reader(s?),

I don’t know if you know who Chelsea Handler is. She is a comedian, she has a fab show on E called Chelsea Lately. She does stand up, and shes a writer. You probably already googled her once you saw my updated facebook profile with all my chelsea handler updations. Or maybe you own your own television or a working head, and have already encountered her in some way. Shes so fucking funny. I love her. I don’t often find myself noticing specific people to worship, but I could not avoid it with her. I am just reading her second book – Are Youb There, Vodka? Its Me, Chelsea. It is HILARIOUS. And I am using my massive publicity to help her sell some of them.

I have been very happy lately, and I have been spending way too much time with Susie. When I say way too much time with Susie I mean that we are becoming a Little Too Close. Why just the other day I had to pull her hand out of her vagina because she felt comfortable enough to do some investigative scratching while we were lounging in the Living Room. She admitted afterward that it would probably have been best if she hadn’t been so public with that. I don’t mean to talk bad about her public manner, seeing as I am almost always passed out in one corner or another of the apartment in nothing but a pair of stained panties. But if you were living in this New York City Heat you might also find yourself doing things you thought were only appropriate for Dungeons & Dragons playing homeschoolers. I for instance did not know it was possible to take so many showers and never be clean. Its probably because I find it difficult to stand when I am in the shower. Its so hot, and I get so exhausted once that warm water starts caressing me. Once I am on the floor I will grab the soap bar and drop it on my chest hoping the running water will lather and scrub for me. I should be more concerned, but I get tired.
I have been taking a lot of showers, not only because I love them, but also because thats the only way to clean your ass when you don’t buy toilet paper. Well, we do buy toilet paper, we just also happen to poop onto it more often than we want to restock. Sometimes you want to just buy those 8 roll packs, which is gr8. But then its even worse when you run out, and if you have no concern for the taboo of being lazy and gross like us, then you may end up having to either wait to poop when you’re at some place that has better standards, or schedule it closer to a time you could just take a shower and wash yourself off that way.
I don’t want you to think any of my room mates are as lenient as I am. But if they have some stash of napkins I don’t know about, I would be highly surprised.
NoahTourjee.com expires in like 3 days, and I Need 2 Renew It. This is just a matter of schlepping my oily body to a Bank of America and making a deposit. But I really get tired and I just hate having to go out of my way like that. Of course, I do think I would kill myself if I didn’t have this Vanity, so I guess I will schlep. Now lets say Good-Bye, Alright?
I Need 2 go beddybye

Peaces
xoNoah

oh, btw
Peaces is a new slang I am using for Goodbye or Lata. I think its cute and that it is really going to catch on, but Alta tells me its retarded. I don’t think she is right about this one, but you know, I Have been wrong about somethings before. But not usually about new slang, that I got down smackapat.

Dear Reader(s?),

Do you ever feel like people just Don’t move fast enuff? Probably not, seeing as I’m the only needy bitch on the earth these days. Well legend has it that Noah gets fucking pissed off when the fat ass bitch ass pieces of shit on earth don’t acknowledge that you are In Fact also moving on the same side walk as they are and would Appreciate it if they would use their big stumpy clumpy legs to reposition themselves on the side walk. I realize this is probably coming off as a bit OVER REACTING. But I hope not. Because if you understand how terrible these people are, then we’ve something in common. I move when I walk by people, I go out of my way to make sure that I am not going to COLLIDE into another transient being. However when I am consistently faced with other creature4s who would jsut as soon take out my delicate shoulders than take a slight stray to the left, I become filled with hatred. Just move, it is not hard. But for now on I am going to literally start hitting anyone who does not show an equal effort to get out of my way as I show to them as I attempt to divert myself from their direct path.

UGH W/E

NOAH

Dear Reader(s?),

Oh, My GOD. It is so Ridic Hawt outtie, y’kno? I almost shit myself today it was so warm. Lol, actually in All Honesty, I did technically shit myself today. But I don’t think its as bad as it sounds. First of all I thought I might be passing gas, and secondly it was only a Minor Leak really. I didn’t see it coming, and Believe Me Fans, I dove into the nearest Mcdonalds and took care of business. Can I just say, I always think the word Business looks weird. It is Always my first inclination to spell it BUISNESS. And then I say mentally or out loud “BUSY-NESS” TO remind myself of the way it is spelled. Because truly, it is spelled business, which looks like busyness, which is a stupid way to say a word.

Now, lets move on to more important topics -Unless you’re still hung up on the fact I anally wet myself, like it hasn’t happened to all y’all anyway. Like peeps have probz wit the Human Body? Cum on, U gotta be kidding me, nuttin 2 worry about. Just consider it a tiny bump in the road 2 success and happiness. You can’t expect a smooth ride the whole way, a smooth flow on the other hand…now that has potential. LOL jk jk…

But 4 realsie, isn’t it unbearable 2 live in any degree above 85? I just do not see it happening. I am buying an AC this week, and installing it into my window and keeping it at 45 until November 30th, and then I will take it out. You know those shit heads who want to take their ACs out by like September? FUCK them. They do, and then you’re at their place, or if you’re unlucky its also Your place, and now its god damn hot as hell and nothing to do but plop a bowl of ice in front of a fan and act all poor and shit. Of course the first thing out of their mouth is “Ah its an Indian Summer this year!” AS IF thats the only explanation why their living room is hotter than Ben Afflecks ASS. The point is its a fucking indian summer EVERY YEAR for those people. But not me. If I have my way, and who knows when thatll happen….But It Would Be Cold all year round. Not cold, stfu, but you know Nice. I like the hot days when I wanna go swimming, but not fucking in my bed. I want a blanket to comfort me, not suffocate me.

Also! I have recently purchased the Domain Name omgboy.com,
With no interest of developing a new site, just expanding noahtourjee.com
So, for now on you can access this site via noahtourjee.com or omgboy.com
both will bring you here, essentially.

Anyway Y’all thats bout it. I am looking pretty cute right now, but obv I miss my hair. I have some rlly Fun Ideas for it tho…tee hee

xoxoNo

P.S.
So…Did I mention that my site is going to expire in like 28 days? Point is, I need to make 100 dollars to spend on rebuying it for the year. I obviously dont have much money, and you obviously do. Lol kidding, I know yall prolly dont have much either. Point is, if anyone has anything they want to donate to me, in the divine interest of prolonging noahtourjee.com…you may due so using this extremely accessible donation button! There is one on the front page of my site, and here in this post. Lovely readers plz help us stay ALIVE, the omgboy sisterhood will survive…much love & thx 2 any1 who can and cant.

Dear Reader(s?),

Silently the veil was lifted, his coarse skin offering a flat depth with the pale moons offering. Christopher peeled away the laces, caressed the hardened face of his weathered bride. Frozen in time, standing before the open threshold..would it be enough to carry him to the safety of a rented bed? Could the trials He suffered before Him be left to remain dormant in the past. Or was it too late, despite the truth and love Christopher exuded from every orifice, for Him to warm Himself or receive the warmth of others? Christopher grabbed His back and threw Him over his shoulder. Marching towards thew Grand mattress before them, he threw his lover to the bed. He fell to the bed a mess of emotion, and though pained and concerned, still looked upwards at Christopher with the strong notion this could be true. Christopher removed his cuff links and loosened his tie. He lowered himself over Him gradually with his full body being supported by two powerful and weight bearing arms, pinned firmly along either side of Him. Courageously He opened his cowering eyes, and whimpered as he drew His hand close to Christopher’s face, and grazed the unkempt shadow of a long day. Christopher showed one more sign of delicate passion before uprooting the latent wonder of lust. He flipped Him over and reached far under His dress to find the taught Girdle binding His tender thigh. Christopher tore it from Him and pounced them, tossing the girdle with reckless abandon from the bed. He squirmed like a loose worm, bearing its eyeless tube like body to the dry heat of an unforgiving sun. Coldly begging to be released to the soil, the snake from Christopher’s groin erupted in a violent strike, and whipped Him across the face. It was the sun rising on a frozen stone, the frost turned to dew, and life formed on His empty face. The slap of Christopher’s cock woke Him up, and now he groaned in a sluts call for the beast to re enter him like a dirty whore. Christopher grinned at this proposal as he had his hole back, the same eager crevice that so often swallowed him before. With his hardening grasp Christopher squeezed Him until there were black and blue remnants of his hold. They went at it for hours delving into the twisting paths of His cavernous anus. The pools of semen and sweat flowed freely over the mattress and collected on the floor, soaking through to the ceiling of hotel rooms far beneath them. The city now drenched in their sex, they were fully awakened and happily awakening the whole world to their vigorous needs. So rose the sun, and spilled upon them the steaming semen of morning.

xoNo