Talking with Noah

Dear Reader(s?),

So, Here I Am.  Nineteen years old, lounging on this beautiful Sunday – watching The O.C.  You may not know this about me, but I love The O.C.  Yes, I do.  And I have sweet fond memories of when it first debuted.  Its a beautiful magic excursion into the gallactical land of  beachside social networking & coming of age teen scream drama.  If you haven’t dipped into this spiked hot cocoa – you’re nothing 2 me.  Anyway, I just have passion, thats what makes me so passionate.

My new Tat is fierce.  Thats right boyz – look @ me!

Its obv hard 2 tell what part of my bod that is.  But its just the underside of my forearm.

Isn’t that the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

Its just the first in a series of Gems I am going to get.  Now that I have it, I am infused with the Power of Jewels.  The Ruby gives me the powers of Love, Power, Passion, RAGE, BLOOD……….

So, the PARIS Hilton show called me!  They requested I send them an audition tape.  I did, so you’ll probably be seeing me on television soon.

Today I will just write a poem, and end this entry.

This is this the crystal

She lapped up on and had

Her hands feeling

Ice, so cold like the freezer.

xo,

No

Dear Reader(s?),

XONO

Dear Reader(s?),

Someone wrote me recently asking me to write on a matter.  I will change their name to Rebbecca for the sake of their anonymity.

Q : What Do I Do When My Boyfriend Wants Me To Go To His Boring Game, And I Want Him To Go Shopping With Me?

A: Well, Rebbecca.  I would be seriously hesitant to call it a “Boring” Game. It is not A La Mode 2 be harshing your boys mellow, and I don’t want you to get off on the wrong track in your relationship.  Sometimes Women need 2 be involved in their own lives in a less personal way.  It is important to be true to yourself, while satisfying your boyfriendz desires.  I know I’m coming from a slightly Traditionalist P.O.V.  But if you want 2 B taken care of, you need 2 be thinking about all this right now.  Don’t take his crap – that’s not what I’m saying!  Next time you see him ask him if he’d mind going to the mall for anything HE might want 2 purchase.  Now, this is technically a manipulation technique, but its okay.  If he does, then u get 2 go shopping!  Don’t pay for anything yourself ever again, you left that behind.  But to sum things up, don’t worry.  Just remember what I said about being In The Fashion.  You never want to look Last Season, unless your guys totally retro.

You’re welcome “Rebbecca” , you know who your are.

Feel free 2 ask me something else if U R evr cuntfused.  I like 2 give advice.  Did u know 2day is eastr? Its pretty fun, I like eastr.  I have 2 do laundry 2day!  Its so crzy, but you kno, not that crzy.

Oh good lord, don’t forget to visit my Myspace.com/noahtourjee

 

xoNo

 

2:54 AM Sofia: hi

2:55 AM me: hola

2:57 AM Sofia: did u love the episode

2:58 AM me: loved it!

  omg intense

  so fierce

  loveddd it

2:59 AM want 2 see whole thing

 Sofia: i know i want u to too

  i just recently got back in to degrassi

  so much shit has happened

  spinner has cancer

3:00 AM me: i know

  i watch degrassi beotch

 Sofia: i havent watched in a while

  i hate that paige is a lesbian

 me: jts dead

  so lame

 Sofia: i know

 me: shes not rlly

 Sofia: i know

 me: marcos cute again

 Sofia: he was always cute

 me: spinner looks ironically the ebst he ever has on chemo

3:01 AM Sofia: haha

 me: yeah he was SO CUTE when he has a dirt lip and corn rows…

  freak

 Sofia: well he has always been a good looking person

 me: …

 Sofia: i mean i dont think he has cute style now either

 me: i didnt suggest his bone structure morphed

  he looks a lot better now

3:02 AM fool

  jimmy got fat

  manny got fat

 Sofia: no he didint

 me: yes he did

  u retard

 Sofia: ur crazy!

 me: lol

  no

 Sofia: manny is like anorexic

 me: u r

  HA

  susie and i just watched the marathon

  and we think otherwise

 Sofia: you think manny is fat???

  how could u think that??

 me: she got fat

3:03 AM Sofia: no manny is skinny

 me: lol

  do u know which one manny is

 Sofia: yes the thong one

 me: ur probably thinking of emma

 Sofia: no im OBVIOUSLY NOT thinking of emma

  asshole

 me: emma is HOT

  and skinny

 Sofia: ew u are insane

 me: lol

 Sofia: emma still looks like a freak

 me: r u kidding

  u know nothing

 Sofia: no emma is hideous and always has/will be

3:04 AM me: u prolly think that the radio free rosco guy is a good addition

 Sofia: which one

 me: lol omg u dont even know your N shows

  the big black woman who moves in with paige marco and ellie

3:05 AM hes a boy actually, but he wears his hair in a weird pony tail

 Sofia: oooh hahahha

  yeah

  he is a loser

  i forgot he was on rfr

  i hated that show

 me: me too

 Sofia: but watched it all the time

 me: i tried so ahrd to like it

 Sofia: ME TOO

 me: sometimes i confused myself into thinking i did

  but it always left such a sour taste on my tongue

  and when it failed they just let that freak go on degrassi

  LAME

3:06 AM Sofia: i know

 me: i love how JTs killers are attending degrassi now

  its fierce

 Sofia: i know its so intens

 me: ryan is so fucking hot

 Sofia: they pull out all the stops

 me: and his moms the principal

 Sofia: i thought his name was peter

 me: i want to place his corncob in my hot ripe hole

  peter?

  ryan?

  i dont know

  prolly peter

 Sofia: and i was just about to say that

  i am madly in love with him

  when he thought he had sex with that raped girl

  his gf

3:07 AM me: darcy

 Sofia: wahts her name?

 me: DARCY

  DUH

 Sofia: oh yeah i hate her

 me: Good LORD

  I love her

  Shes so cute

 Sofia: but in that episode i love him

 me: why

  cause hes a fuckin hot piece of meat

 Sofia: yeah

 me: he lvoes me

 Sofia: a little too skinny though

 me: He Is My Boyfriend

  LOL

 Sofia: and short

 me: “A LITTLE TOO SKINNY”

  a – he is TALL

3:08 AM BE -He is just so hot thin

  he doesnt need to bulk up

  its part of the charm

  where is craig anyhow

  good lord

  The Movie Comes Out April 4th

 Sofia: i know

  lets watch together

 me: Its gonna be so good

  I wish you liked it as much as me

3:09 AM Sofia: fuck u

  u dont know what ur saying

  i hate when u say that

  I love degrassi more than i can express

3:10 AM i hate when they play “Hard metal” when spinner gets angry

 me: lol

  why

  hes so brave

  when he tookm out that evil lakeside guy after he kenw he had dick cancer

  i wanted to kiss him

 Sofia: thats what im watching right now

 me: isnt it beautiful

3:11 AM Sofia: his mohawk looks terrible

 me: he knows how to take care of his own

  he doesnt have a mohawk

  LOL

 Sofia: he does in the fight scene

 me: no he doesnt

 Sofia: u are wrong im watching it as we speak

 me: he has short hair

 Sofia: he finds out he has dick cancer then shaves a mohawk and goes and fights in an alley

  I AM WATCHInG rIght now

  I KNOW

3:12 AM me: so I am

  I mean

 Sofia: then u would know that he has a mohawk

 me: SO AM i

  WELL I am watching it

  and its a commercial

  u idiot

 Sofia: yeah i know

  hahah

  SEE

  SEE

 me: lol

3:13 AM that hawk is so hideous

 Sofia: hahaha

 me: but hot

  spinners a fierce mother fucker

  he used to be so gross

  but now i want to scfrew him

 Sofia: his face is hot but i cant forget the pudgy history

 me: oh pleas eu love em wit a lil puddin

 Sofia: no i do not

 me: mmhmm

3:14 AM Sofia: I HATE HER

 me: ew shes weird looking

  her face is like a weird fish

  shes so ugsly

 Sofia: i know she is so so ugly

  and i hate her makeup

 me: lol

  shes so goth

  thats so pre ‘05

  she needs 2 update

 Sofia: i know

3:15 AM me: omg go see her

 Sofia: ?

 me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKdcJfIM-tE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKdcJfIM-tE

  i just put her on my blog

  sooooo cool

3:16 AM spinner thinks shes gonna be a girl jsut cause she loses a ball

  ew jimmy is FAAT

3:17 AM Sofia: …..

  how can you call that fat?

  he is completely 100 percent normal, not fat

 me: uhm

 Sofia: if naything, athletic

 me: he got fat

  i know Jimmy

  he used to be slim

  rrrealy slim

  now hes got a fat chin

3:18 AM marco still has a fag stone in his nostril

  omg he likes that fugly cunt

 Sofia: i know

  that fugly cunt is actually a little fat

  not fat, but thick

3:19 AM like, i dont want to see his stomach or leg

 me: or arms

  neck

  head

  anything

  that could cover fat

  omg JIMMY

  hes beign so fuckign sweet

  hes a guy

  he gets it

  but hes still compassionate

 Sofia: because…

  he is in a wheeli

3:20 AM me: “if youre gonna fight….fists up. You dont wanna ruin that modelling career”

  oh good lord im crying

  omh that fag

  hes so huge

  marco is embaressing me

3:21 AM Sofia: they both embarass me

  oh no its time for his surgey

 me: oh no

  ew whats he want with his broken dick

  they put it ina chinese take out box

 Sofia: heewww

  what the fyuck

  why

 me: why

 Sofia: no really

  why

 me: lol

3:22 AM I want 2 ask

  whats ONE good reason

 Sofia: hahhaha

 me: “They Might Want To Keep It.”

  No.

  “They Might Want To See It.”

  Nope.

 Sofia: well maybe

 me: No!

 Sofia: haha no?

 me: ONLY PERVERT WANT LOOK ATOPENED UP DICK

 Sofia: no its just a BALL

3:23 AM me: yeah eyah yeah

  ball is dick

 Sofia: no

 me: yeah

  have u ever sucked on balls for a long time

  do guys ever ask u to

 Sofia: not a LONG time

  a little

 me: well not LONG

  but like 10 second intervals

 Sofia: yeah

 me: its gross

3:24 AM i dont like it

  theyre jsut sweat and covered in short coarse hairs

  or like long ew

 Sofia: does it feel good for u

  men

  i mean

 me: and too close to the butthole!

  uhmm i guess

  i dont rlly know

  i like to get eaten out

  men LOVE eating out boy pussy

 Sofia: what d o u eman

3:25 AM me: like

  My Butt Hole

 Sofia: ew

 me: lol

  it feels Fabulous

 Sofia: thats poop

 me: no

  its a hole

  poop comes through it

  I would never put my face on it

  But a lot of guys love to

3:26 AM do u ever feel mischevious when u have 2 poop

 Sofia: hahha

  what do u mean

 me: i have 2 poop right now and its making me feel mischevious

 Sofia: lol

 me: like sneaking around

 Sofia: u craxy

 me: no

  i have always felt this way

3:27 AM when i was little

 Sofia: no i never feel MISCHEVIOUS when i have to poop

 me: i would sneak around the hosue liek a spy or hide in closet

  lol

 Sofia: thats creepy

 me: no it isnt

 Sofia: like u goning to poop somewhere or something?

 me: no

  it just makes me feel mischevious

  and thne when i ecide 2 go poop, i dont feel msichevious anymore

 Sofia: it makes me feel determined

3:28 AM me: weirdo

 Sofia: to find abathroom

  thats a lot more normal than mischevious

  or sneaky

 me: well

  i bet others share my P.O.V.

3:29 AM Sofia: r u watching this music vid

 me: bores me

 Sofia: is that chris brown?

 me: i was googling my poop thing

  no its not

  u fool

 Sofia: lol

  i want to watch chris brown dance

 me: chris brown was born HIV +

 Sofia: i hear hees very fresh new talent dancing

 me: u can see chris brown dance if u watch tyra banks’ show

  hes amazing

  so cute

  but born hiv +

3:30 AM Sofia: thats sad

 me: yes.

  it could not be true, i just hear dit

  im spreading it as truth tho

  i just want my grassi

  here we go

  god why cant liberty die

  i liked her when she was short fat and hilarious

  now she sjsut ugly and boring

3:31 AM ew heres fat manny

 Sofia: MANNY!

  skiny

 me: u think shes skinny here

  lol

  shes fat

 Sofia: i resent u for saying that

  if manny is fat, then i am fat

 me: well i resent u for thinking i care

  no retard

  not everythingsa bout u

 Sofia: oh wait

  she is alittle thicker

3:32 AM me: YEAH HELLO

 Sofia: im sorry i didnt see her whole body

  but thats nto FAT

 me: i said fatter

  u fuck

 Sofia: ok SORRY I DIDNT SEE HER ENTIRE BODY

 me: ok ok

  dealsies

 Sofia: still u are too hard on her

 me: lol

  girl needs help

  peeps b too soft on her

  chunky manny

  ive seen these

 Sofia: no shes not chunky

3:33 AM me: w/e

  im posting this convs on my blog

  and going 2 bed

 Sofia: ok goodngiht

 me: nighty night

 Sofia: wait

 me: nope

 Sofia: ok

hey dont forget the other new blog, below this.

Dear Reader(s?),

You know when you are like talking to a work friend, who really isnt like your real friend…much more your technicality friend…And is like a pretty day out and u are all appreciating it. And you get to work and u decide 2 talk about the weather 2 yr friend, because its one of those things ppl who are awkward acquaintances do…And you’re all

“Oh my god, this weather!”

And youre all, I cant wait to express how nice it is.

And they’re All – “I know! Its so cold!”

And u just say like….YYeah! Or something because its not rlly worth it to get into some sort of disagreement with this person u dont even know or care about. But its funny because ur just lying about how u truly feel about the weather.

I’ve been having a grand time lately, so grand I went BLONDE.

I know youre thinking “but hes already blonde”

and yes, I was., But not blonde enough.

Oh its so luxurious. Its the perf color 4 noah.

I was thinking about something today, as Alta Susie and I went through my middle school year book.

We came across the school pet, oh I’m sorry. Its not actually the school pet, its actually a mentally challenged boy – but I make that mistake because they’d given him a dogs name and walked him through the school on a leash. He was this big fat boy named Chico, although his real name was like Michael. Or David.

Just not Chico.

However Chico would be led around and about to be shown to us it seemed. I guess he was in classes, but they were mostly studying how to fail at making cupcakes. or how to cry. Then Alta was telling me about her middleschool pet Sparky. I guess he was a pretty similar character.

I don’t claim to be a humanitarian. I don’t claim to know the proper treatment for people in their condition. But I did always have this little itch in the back of mind like “Maybe we shouldnt name the boy that” or “he already has a name”

But maybe his new fun simpler name allowed us kids to embrace him as our new dog. Which is totally Okay.

I have recently been linked by Derek to the upcoming video. I just want to Thank her for being so Great.

noah and sofia gmail chat about degrasis

Dear Reader(s?),

I work with a bunch of telephones, and I spend a lot of time calling people. Some of those calls go to answering machines, and once in a while I will get this – “The telephone number you are calling, four…one…two….six…seven…nine…eight…seven…has either been disconnected or is no longer in service, if you think you are hearing this due to an error, please check the number and try your call again, number 24b62, this is a recording.”

Oh. Really? Wow, thats totally weird – Because I thought I was speaking with a Live Person. I want to personally say Thanks for not leaving me confused and trying to communicate with the recording. She had me really going with that stunningly personal message she was delivering me. I think they developed the “inform them this is a recording” project after some heart wrenching instances.

“Please check the number, and try your call again.”

“Oh, but I have! I have tried it again twelve times! And YOU just keep acting like an asshole and repeating yourself. I need to speak to your supervisor”

“The telephone number you are calling….”

“I won’t be treated like this! I work 40 hours a week, I pay TAXES.”

“This is a recording.”

So from now on when I am talking to an unpleasant person on the phone at my job in a call center in times square, I close my eyes and imagine I’m an old computer. Maybe if I murmur out that I am just a recording I’ll be left alone by the angry union members and they can just wallow in their own embarrassment for their foolish mistake. And they will think to themselves, thank goodness they informed us it was a recording.

You may not know this – But Myspace is BACK baby.

http://www.myspace.com/noahtourjee

Also, you may not know this – But Bow Wow is Hot.

Hes mega hot, and hes on Fire.

I have loved him since he debuted in Like Mike – And look at him Now.

I just want to peel down his pants and suck on his big long dick with my teeth.

~ Earlier Today ~

“Have you decided whether you’re supporting a Democrat or a Republican in the Presidential race?”

“What?”

“Are you supporting a Democrat or a Republican?”

“I don’t know WHAT you’re talking about.”

“…For President.”

“Is this about elections?”

“Yes.”

“I have never voted before, I don’t know what you mean.”

xoNoah Tourjee

Dear Reader(s?),

Surely God Made A Mistake When He gave us anal hair. Surely God Made A Mistake When He created Fat. Surely God Made A Mistake When He allowed teeth to rot. Surely God Made A Mistake When He chose 2 give an animal called a baboon a neon red anus. Surely God Made A Mistake When He said “And There Will Be Many Of Them, And Some Will Have No Ankles!”

I Have Ankles. WHy am I different than some? Why do some peoples calves fade subtely into their foot.?

Should this be a matter of Natural Selection?

Who Is It Around Here Thats Sleeping With The Cankle People.?

Surely God Made A Mistake When He Took All My Money.

Where did It Go? Who spent it, I think it was Him. You know, the one. The Main Man. And who can be blamed, no one – but me. And I dont like that, I did not touch that money! Please make Direct Deposits into my Paypal Account in the amounts of 100 dollars or more.

“I’d rather have none than not enough”

-Noah Tourjee While Making A Strong Stoned Statement on The Matter Of Banana Pound Cake.

That quote doesn’t only apply to the Pound Cake, people. It can apply to ANYTHING. Which is what makes a good inspirational quote. And leader. I want to be an inspirational leader. Although, that quote may not be optimistic enough.

Surely God Made A Mistake When He Withheld Yo Gabba Gabba from us for so long.

It is…so…coool. R Kids rly watching this? Its SO COOL! I just think this is the kind of tv show children should watch. its so stimulating.

I learned about a lot of things the other night with Jordan and Derek.

I saw a gigantic skunk be a very naughty girl. I learned I am not a Bottom, I am in fact – A Top.

Thats right, I am a Total Top. I am looking for a tight little pussy boy to control. I want to just make him squeel like a little cumpig, and get that pussy in heat. Because I am a Top.

xoNo

Dear Reader(s?),

This is A Beautiful Piece.

Dear Reader(s?),

What is it in life that can make every moment so exciting and enjoyable, that you just can’t wait to move on to the next one? The amazing way you can just take a deep breath and say. WOW. Isnt everything perfect?

I have no idea.

But I do know what it is in life that can make you want to turn your stomache out and carve away the remnats of any desire for breathing left in your gut. You may know what I mean, you may not. But mark my words, what I – Who I, rather, have seen is just that. ~ did not ask him into my home, I did not request his presence, or plead for his image to be eternally carved into my vacant subconcious. He invited himself, and has mde the bed for me without offer.

I like dairy, I love it. I drink an obscene amount of milk, andheck I love cheese and eggs. I, like all people, have an understanding with dairy. I technicaly know it comes out of animal holes, and is in many ways some weird creation of their bodies. I know that eggs are chicken periods, and milk is cow semen. But, like all other dairy consumers, I choose to let sleeping cows lie, and consume these delcious creamy animal discharges without question. It works out just fine, and I am content with this deal. Because I love the flavour. As part of this agreement, the animals have an unspoken promise not to betray our choice to “look the other way”. They get to feed us portions of their genitals, and we don’t gag about it.

I have been betrayed. I have given years and gallons of my life to these creatures and their failed attempts at parenthood. I have swallowed them, let them curdle in my gullet, and come back for more with no judgemental cringe. The thanks I recieve for this came to me last night, and he haunts me still. Screaming at me to take my own life, as I have his.

Well, I did not take your life, you fucking horrible abomination. Seek vengeance on somemone else, and spare me a life of pain and terror. I can not expect to ever be rid of his stain, and for this I am forever enraged.

I was hungry. I had eaten nothing but pasta for three weeks, and I thought – heck..why not make some eggs, couple those with a little cheese and enjoy it between some 15 grain toast. I smiled atmy clever idea. I happily anticipated the scrumptious meal approaching me. I know eggs, they’re nice delicious things. They have never wronged me. I withdrew an egg from the dozen and proceeded to crack it againt my hot frying pan. To my horror what oozed out before my eyes and between my fingers was not the clea and yellow egg features I had learned to expect and embrace. No this was something entirely different. Poruing from this egg was not egg…But blood. Before me was a broken egg filled with dark red pungent blood. I stared in horror and confusion – I could not comprehend what I was seeing. I had no idea what was going on. I dropped him on the pan, and the sizzle of this creatures baking blood rose behind me as I ran – as a wake of heated abortion flooded the room I screamed at Susie to d something, she had for some reason known this was possible and took care of the mess. I threw up and began to cry.
What is that
I wondered. I am told it is a fetus.
She tells me He was a pale tan lump filled with bones.
Why has he come for me?
What have I done to him?
Why have I been decieved by the world into thinlking its okay to eat that? And why am I the butt of his gruesome revenge?

In the trash can he whispers to me, clucking through coaggulated blood chirping that I have made him. I have not made him. And as he lies as that tan sack of bonms I feell his spirit surface from his bag.

I hot him now, and I mourn my loss. The loss of a life naive, of a protection from the evils the world contains. Now I am tainted with his smell and his boiling presence.

Blood filled eggs and bone filled sacks plague my waing life.
My sleep is that of terror. I can not rest with him as my ghost
Haunting my mouth, keeping me from consuming food. I want to be rid of him, I want to release him from his reign over me. I fear that now I have been chosen as the one to suffer the burde of the planets Sins.

I can not breathe without him
He is my Father.
All hope is Lost.

Remove your life of diary,
This is his message.
This is his life.

And now, He is Mine.

Noah

Dear Reader(s?),

With the new age of fabulous electrics, I am capable of writing this blog on the toilet in the bathroom in my office job in Time Square. I appreciate the little things in life, and while what I am “passing” as I type may not be small by any stretch of the imagination, this convenience counts as an enjoyable subtlety.
Don’t you think its funny that some people won’t speak with you on the phone if you’re using the toilet? As if theres going to be some explosion that flies from your butthole through the reciever and infect your friend. That has only happened to me once, so the odds – given how much I frequently host conversations while breathing over the bowl with my “second mouth”- are slim. does your friend not use the toilet? and if they do, why are they so ashamed? I would criticize you if you DIDN’T poop. I see every good reason to not only treat the action as normal and appropriate, but a cause for celebration. Unless you’re some perverted FREAK who likes to put the lid over that can and just let it all sit ripening in your bowels for all time. People need to change their thinking and start accepting the fact that just because dsomething smells, tastes, looks like, and is actual shit doesn’t make it bad. ~ don’t like poopy. I rlly rlly don’t. But I am not going to withold a valuable conversation (or blog) from someone just because all of a sudden Noah has to use the rest room. Since when is resting innappropriate? Maybe we should sheath ourselves in an opaque shield whilst napping, so no one will see our profane and innappropriate ways. I’m sure all you snotty prudes would LOVE that. So please – don’t put your conservative thinking to use when you’re speaking with me, I don’t appreciate it.

Noah