Talking with Noah

Dear The Sexy Plethora of ReaderS I Obviously have,

I’m just writing now, delighted to report that I once again lost my new phone. But just this morning, while I am checking my voice mails, I find I have received quite a few fan letters. And by fan letters I mean charming men who littered my V-mail with derogatory remarks and jokes about heath ledger belonging in hell. I’m just intrigued that post-H.S. I am still as famous as ever. There is nothing I appreciate more than accumulating a congestion of Hate directed towards me. I am sorry Brettney but the boys request we delete your new group on facebook. I’m obviously all for that group, because its all about me, and how you love me. And if there is one thing that is obvious its that I love me. But Boys, I want you to know…I love you to.

I want to apologize because I am worried you think I don’t appreciate your efforts. I really really do. I LOVE it. Those vociemails were really funny. In one you mentioned you thought that it wasn’t a funny prank call, but sir…I beg to differ. It was stunningly hilarious.

“This is Heath Ledger I’m callin you from Hell, I am gay and fuck you”

Who on gods earth thought that up?? How much are u being payed for writing this stuff? Do you work for Jay Leno?
I’m only asking because my writers here at Noahtourjee.com are looking for some extra help. And if I could actually get some jokes like the ones you thought up, it’d be crazy up in here!
When I went to PVPA it was exactly like that series of voice-mails. Only there you had 2 say it 2 my face, meaning you wouldn’t. Because thats not something you do to Noah. I don’t know who you boys are, but I don’t think you were in my class. If you’ve been seeing me around online displaying my sexy androgynous body, and chain smoking with Susie Berard and Alta Finn and Thea Price-Eckles, and this offends you, I understand. When I was a little girl I would prank call Britney Spears and Madonna with very similar lines you yourselves used on me. But in time, Britney got fat and insane, and Madonna stopped being cool. I on the other hand am proving to be timeless, and all I ask of you is that you make your hate more public. Its one thing to announce your distaste for me and my actions via the privacy of mon cellular phone. It is another to write on my wall or perhaps create a “kill-noah-news-letter” which I’ve been anticipating with glee for years.

I just dont want to see you fall through the cracks alongside your brethren of No-Noahs. I’ve heard those voicemails a million times, and they are still pretty good, but if you want to make an impact you need to grow and change.
Which brings me back to Britney.

She peaked, and spiraled downwards because shes a)honestly insane b)stopped being innovative and fresh

You’re obviously insane, since you hate me. But that doesn’t mean you can’t stay innovative and fresh. Next time you and “DA BROS!” get together to smoke a little weed and prank noah before secretly excusing yourselves to jack it in the bathroom picturing my tight ass why don’t pull out the crafts kit and whip up a banner or a set of Kill Noah Playing Cards. Snap a quick pic and we can all have a good appreciation on facebook, a social network we are all obviously glad to partake in.

From what I heard,

“Stop takin pictures outside your apartment no one cares about your shitty social life”

You’ve spent a good amount of time browsing the catalogues of my well documented Amazing Life.– That means something, but not much. Seeing as anyone in their right mind is gonna sit down to take a look at that kinda crap.
I think its cool that people feel free enough to express themselves. And who am I to publically express everything I deem appropriate here on my blog and facebook. I would be a hypocrite to do such a thing and then fume about these little guys takin sum aggression out on my little old voicemail. I feel only sorry for the girls reading this who are knowingly or unknowingly dating closeted machismo fags. If you’re unsure, watch them next time they’re looking at a picture of me. If they’re angry, its because they’re literally in love with me. But I won’t let them leave u for me, I will support you.

Soon we r gonna have to start a group for “Women Whos Boyfriends Left Them For Noah”

I want to shadow someone soon before any of you graduate. I will hopefully be back in the P-V sometime soon. And I would lvoe to take a quick hop over to that shithole to see u guys. Hopefully have a few words with my new friends. Maybe in March. Its a date.
I’ll have to speak with Bob about doing a performance, that would be so fun!

Anyway, time for me to fill you in on my fabulous LIFE!
We are starting a Reality TV Show about our Lives here in Astoria!
I am going 2 b making & selling pins!
I also am going to get lypsocution and botox.

Basically besides losing my expensive phone every week at the club everything is going rly sweet. I met this girl form Ecuador who is in love with me. she is pretty fun but she tells me I have the most beautiful body and I am so sexy, which is true, and also that “we will have sex, yes?”
No Sorry!

Okay, so yeah my phones basically out of comission until I get a replacement, which will probz be soon. OKay I need 2 do some yoga,laundry, and shop for jewels.

peace OuT!

nOah!!

Dear Reader(s?),

Girls Being Bitches

Dear Reader(s?),

Hello my good friends.  I am about to take u into uncharted Noah history never before exposed.  Prepare to be probably not surprised by my amazingly cool teen years……….

When I was 12 I entered myself into the world wide web fulltime to pursue my interests in MMORPGs (Massive Multi-Player Online Role-Playing Games) Such as Diablo II which is forevs my favourite game.  I owned that land strewn with daemon carcass and carrion of all sorts of fascinating races. I littered the battlefields with my bone walls and prisons, summoning undead armies to fight by my side as I wielded unique powers and artifacts.  My life may have been lived vicariously through pixels and invaluable bone armors, but these hundreds of hours spent would cum 2 teach me many things.  I eventually got tired of constantly destroying the Lord of Terror and pursued other interests.  I discovered Message Boards.  Which are actually amazing things.  Specifically I discovered Shinra Online.  Which is, I mean was, an amazing message board for FFVII enthusiasts.  Although the board hardly discussed that subject, the layout and theme and the dedicated FF forum served as the catalyst for this..amazing board.  I was very honestly not well recieved, and did not manage to attain a reasonable reputation.  In fact I was always widely despised, and taunted.  I spent my time primarily on the Writing board, where I wrote poems and critiqued other peoples shitty poems.  I did have a small group of Shinranites who appreciated me, but for the most part I was Lord Luthrice the fag.  Yes, so what!  I chose the name Lord Luthrice, what of it?  I found the name powerful and cryptic.  It was to instill a dark air about me.  Although instead I was just that newb faggot.  However I may have remained the faggot, but shed the newb.  You couldn’t call me a Newb.  Never.  I twasn’t a newb.  Anyway there is a really cool system of Board Money which is basically money u earn by doing things throughout the site.  Such as designing someone a tag (banner to be worn in a users signature) and if they’ve earned themselves the 400 Gil (forum money) required to purchase a customized avatar, then also design them a matching avatar.  It pays reasonably well, if you’ve got expensive clients.  A lot of them are newbs who have scrounged 10 gil, or they don’t pay for them themselves, the Moderators do.  I spent hours and hours designing those things until I actually got reasonably skilled with Photoshop.  I earned enough doing this and by writing poems in the Writers Block(the writers forum) which also gave u about 10 gil, that I could finally purchase my own Custom Avatar.  This begat me now being able to don my own personalized Sets (matching avatar and tag) Adorned with my noble name Lord Luthrice.  I was not necessarily seen as cooler on those forums because of this, but definatley hated more.  I also earned the 100 gil to purchase a custom title, which is a small caption under your user name in posts.  Like Lord Luthrice – Lord of Hate. Or whatever cool tagline I invented.  I also purchased a mood bar, a rage bar, and other privileges.  For a brief stint I attempted Flaming which while now seems ridiculously appropriate at the time was rather laughable.  Flaming is an actual thing people do online where they insult eachother in the most clever way possible being eloquent and poetic with the crude passages.  Its really stupid and its not cool.  But I wanted to be known as a fearsome flamer, and set out to achieve that goal.  Upon this attempt I lost 200 gil to a renowned flamer named RunningGag.  I was tricked during our battle into thinking I was doing well.  Because he and all his war room(flaming board) buddies ganged up and tricked me on AIM saying “wow that was a good one, i think ur gonna win) I was soe xcited to earn 200 extra gil from our match.  But then of course I lost and they took it from me.  Being the annoying brown nosing twat I was on that board, I ran to Reeve of the Turks who is the owner and head honcho of the site, and whined and whined and whined until he returned my 200 gil.  I claimed I had been taken advantage of and unfairly deceived.  i had every reason to believe I was 2 be winning gil, and instead lost my tediously earned 200 gil!  I literally spent hours crying in my bedroom about this.  I was insane, and if I hadn’t been insane I would have had the ability to see the insane way I was behaving.  But 12 yr olds are very emotional people, so anyhow…I got the gil back and that added to my now even worse notoriety. I tried to butter up the right people, but that always seemed to work poorly.  Luckily a few higher ranks did actually like me, or so I think, and I was able to be rather comfortable in those boards.  I should have stayed away from the Picture Thread in the Bar (the common board for light discussion of all topics) but I believed I would be embraced for my cool style and become popular as a hottie on shinra.  Unfortunately the board is not forgiving, and I was relentlessly criticized for being an ugly acne covered faggot.  Still I pushed forward.  I wanted more, I had all the purchasable features, I needed to achieve greatness.  I needed to become a Mod. A moderator.  A moderator controls or works with another moderator controlling a board.  They distribute gil to common peon users and are allowed to see and enter into the Famous 70th Floor forum (an elite floor for only members of the staff!)  I desired this so strongly I spent every waking moment attempting to push my way in.  Unfoprtunately they didn’t need any new moderators and there were no good forum ideas that weren’t already taken, so I had little hope of inventing a new forum theyd allow me to moderate.  Until I realized that there was no acting forum!  There was of course no acting forum.  Because who on earth would want a performance art forum?  No one, which is why what follows came to pass.  That and my miserable reputation constantly proceeding me.  I came up with this idea and wanted to name it Studio 54.  I was consistantly turned down and people refused saying it wouldn’t fly.  But then with enough taling with my cool friends on the site who also liked the idea we got reeve to say that if we posted a Poll in the Bar and got a majority saying theyd like a performance arts forum, then he’d create one.  Somehow we managed to get that to happen.  I think because some of my friends were pretty girls and that basically gets u whatever u want on those kinds of websites because thyere predominantly composed of teenage boys who dream of wet pussy lips squeezing between their dirt lips.  So then I was like, I have 2 be mod.  And every1 was like, it was Lord Luthrice’s idea, he should be mod.  So I became Moderator of the renamed Opera House.  I freaked out, it was the greatest moment of my life.  I had power and respect.  Although none from anyone who meant anything in the sites interior.  But I did live that life for a while, and it was really gr8.  Until a bitch by the name of Kimpossible literally flew to where Heiddegar of the Turks who was a very high up fat freak (the turks are a select few members of the elite administration above moderators) lived and had sex with him.  She then became Shera Of The Turks.  I was appalled, she hated me.  She was also an actress and VERY well liked for her huge tits.  She and Don Corneo Of The Turks, a faggot who ran the Honey Bee Inn (the sex forum) and later the fitness forum who was a muscle jock freak loser both ran me out of my own forum, and I was accused of being a poor leader.  Although I offered a stickied thread where I composed my own trivia and awarded gil to those who gave the correct answer.  I in fact did have only like 3 frequent posters and about 5 threads.  And the site is huge and usually has like hundreds of threads.  So yeah, my forum failed, and they took it away from me, and eventually closed it.  I spent about 5 years of my life there, and really made a miserable name for myself.  But it is something, and they remember me.  Although the site sucks now and its so boring and the user base is shitty.  A lot of original members are still there but its littered with newbs who post 5 times and then are gone.  Its not fun they have added shit
, forums just cant live forever.  And that one lasted longer than most.  Lord Luthrice will live on forever in the digital interweb.

Loves U!

nOah!

The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.  Thats a quote I made up. And I truly believe it.  Anyway fun is 2 b had if u r cool and go 2 DiZzY on sat at Galapagos in Williamsburg.  I do, thx 2 Derek & Jordan who told me 2 cum.  And iz crizazy fun.  I mean, that is..if you like dancing and making out with hot guys and looking beautiful like a ruby gem.  I like those things, so I think its fun.  I did manage 2 lose my 300 dollar phone, however.  I suppose these r the prices we pay 2 have a good time..right?  I am going 2 shout out 2 David, HEY DAVID! I met david @ Dizzy.  Hes pretty cool.  I keep skipping work on sunday because of Dizzy, from now on I am going 2 just not take sundays.  Oh and I made a new friend, Isobel!  We r going 2 sing in leotards & leg warmers @ Dizzy.  Its gonna b rlly rly rlly good.  I feel a little insane, but for now I trust that I will not die, although this morning i begged susie 2 take my life.  But its MY life, if someone is 2 take it, it should quite clearly be ME.  “…is he joking?? i don’t know…oh god…..”

LOL

hhahahahahahgahgahgagagahgaahagahgahaghagahahahahaa

Girls Just Want 2 Have Fun

Love NoAh!!!111111111!

Dear Reader(s?),

Giving you a sneak peak is part of the package deal you’re entitled to upon being my blogsie’s guest(s?). So therefore you are given the following sneak peak of my new short erotic. It is Non-Fiction and it is going 2 be my first full length short. I encourage you to remove your stockings and lay your Lederhosen to rest. The upcoming memoir is a tantalizing tidbit of sex, and the drama of growing up in the shadow of your father’s farm…

My world is a Carapace of withered root. the dry skin that Brunos has left me, wearing..covering me. And every breath I suck through the chapped lining of my mouth, that has become the remnants of my youthful supple lip, seething dry burns. I wonder often of misfit children, tumbling forward to the darkness, who would recovr me from the blackness of my aging foreign body. This bitter promise, I never swore I’d keep. My drought of intimate limber lingering grace of touch, sprouted from that horror I crept away from. The belief of being touched, and its congruence with deception. For if My little finger, could snag the cords that tugged the heart of, the eye and whole of, that miserable chord of beats. The sound that echoes ever so deep, from the pit of blankness and the heart of the iron, fist of intimate completion. I would recover the bits and pieces of my youth that had been snagged by the wisping thorns of the careless children. The way that one can deliver their greatest wrong without ever focusing on the damage of that aftermath. And so I believe my deception has been ingrown, like the hair I cut. Digging horizonatlly through my heart, towards the core of my desire. Brunos captured me. And in his wake I have displayed, I am not beyond that of my child. What was once my worry now is black, diseasing scar. And Brunos though he carried this, was what I administered, and from my faulty beliefs tasted the consequence. But if it is for tonight, I shall encounter relief, in believing that my action had in some way released a grief, though I may not recover, from the past I have endured..I may grow from this planting, and feed on that encounter, growing as the bleak winter turns to green sprouting, I will ignite, as the fire of my timber kiss, that when Brunos sparked I burned the bridge that collided with the places I’d set my life between. He was a mighty Stallion, and he was an unforgiving tyrant, but it was my desire, and my request. So I shall remark it just the moment it was, for what was created from that dark creation, is mere but the conclusion of what I should have expected. I will bless this moment with the truth I felt when he touche dme, the brisk scuff of his bristle, his coarse sharp growing skin. The points of his bicep, and the curve of a cum duct. In that moment my release was sensual and the taste of fruit I’d long since admired. Whatever the reason now, we bypass this, for time sometimes may not stop but we can overlook this discrepancy. Lust is but that moment starch magma strikes the sulfur. And then pungent memoir may subside, to the approaching tide, and wading into that warm water we subside our disgraces. For Brunos meant to touch me, and touch me had, and that proposal speaks to me even now, calmly from the moon..I greet it with the most peaceful reception….

I grazed solmenly through the blank fields of wheat that lay behind my fathers den. I often found myself taking these steps into the midst of tall grasses that may hide a million families. Small animals, collecting themselves into the forest of wheat. I found these golden departures therapeutic and in them I thought ot myself -Perhaps this is fine. I calmly often came to this great rock, and laid my body sheathed in bear skin upon this stone. Relinquishing all my mortal whims to the great sun and her creations. The way these places fed from His ray and the warmth He created..eased my suffer. But with every passing moment I could not imagine myself beyond this field. I thought, Could I be a stranger, to the world? Am I destined to pass beyond these bridges of my valley into that bright world to find nothing but the cruel cold hard fact I have been faced with so many times before. I chose to spend my time enclosed in this sanctuary and eveyr day it passed as the most special moment,. But as I waited by day and day, the night would come to reclaim me as its prey. And being fed to this beast I simply longed for the pleasance of the morning, and my steps onto that field. It was one day in the middle of the hot summer in this field where I first met Brunos. He was a traveling workman. He had come upon my father in the market and offered his services to him. He had been working bailing hay and planting grass for weeks now, and I had managed not to encounter him, as of course I did not. For I spent all my time in this field, which was simply beyond my father’s farm, and of almost no use to any of his workman. Brunos had wandered here on a whim, and this chance brought him to me. He was tall and handsome, I noticed him waist deep in the flowing grasses, not believing what my eyes had spoken. This broad shouldered tan gold creature. His eyes were dark like thick brown gold, and his shoulders carved out of stone, wide and strong. His tanned skin was glinting in the afternoon sun, and my remark echoed the desire I had. This male body was an etched portrayal of the perfect creature my heart was fondly fonding for. His strong chest was the perfect mix of hairlessly hairy and taught. I stood betrayed by my vision, so I thought, and conquered this by realizing he was not but an apparition. I was yet again astonished when his gaze came upon my bear skin sheathed body and the glint of pleasance came upon his brow. The smirk was slightly noticeable from my distance, and this was cast on me from the rays bouncing through the crystal gems his eyes beheld…

to be cumtinued.

Loves,

Noah!

Oh my good god, I am Famous.  I have the most amazing new cellphone.  Its a BlackJackII

OKay so, if you cant handle that – its chill wit me.  But I am rich and famous, and u can b 2 if u just buy a Smartphone.  I have 2 go we r gonna go pick up thea in brooklinda we r all goin 2 see One Missed Call, which I’ll review later, but in all honesty I can tell u right now it was amazing, and so scary!

dont go see it unless u r safely wiht friends ;-p

lolszNoaH11!!!!!!!!1

Dear Reader(s?),

Hahahahhaa, isn’t it fun 2 be beautiful?  You may or may not know the answer to that question.  I infact adore it, and my oh my, the ways I am capable of creating beauty  I have offered my services 2 the planet, and oh lucky me, I have reaped the plentiful benefits these offers have been granted.  I will accept them, and use them as I please.  I also would like 2 point out that I am obsessed with LOST, and it premiers this month. HEHEHHEHEEHE  okay, and also I need to say that I work in Time Square and its pretty funny, oh and guess what….I have a poem 2 show u I wrot3 it 4 Susi3

My room mate Susie,
Oh, auburn hair!
Her eyes shine glass starlight
Songs heaven should hear.

Mon amie Susie,
That I would call Love,
Is it time to migrate
Back to the sun
Or care for the seashore
With trembling hugs.
My, oh my, Susie
Her mouth caught the skylight
She rests on a branch now
So peacefully dreaming.

LOVE,

Noah!11!!!!!!!!!

Please read my food journal on fitday

http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=noahtourjee