Talking with Noah

Dear Reader(s?),

Fat Children Are Repugnant.

i went to friendlys today, because guess what. like everybody i get hungry after a matter of time, and i like to go eat food. ew and then as i sat there a humungous frog, came into the restaurant. i initially was shocked and nervous.  it seems dangerous and unhealthy to have something like that in restaurant.  as i reached for the phone to call an ambulance – i was stopped.   i guess it only looked like an obese frog but really it was an obese kid. he literally had a look on his face like “i will eat this restaurant, i will eat this restaurant and all the people in it”

he was like…6 years old. he was 13 times the size of my right leg. width wise. how do u feed something that starts so small so much, how is that even possible. youd think it would get full, since its the size of a half dollar.

he looked stuffed. thats what he looked like -stuffed. like something filled up this ballsack with pig intestines and dirt, and then sewed button eyes onto its butt and taught it to talk.

the scariest part was right near the end of my spoiled meal, when i guess i caught his button in the mirror. he started staring at me mischeviously -i am not kidding. no dramatic effect here. he looked at me like he was thinking about naughty mischevously delicious things he could do to make me more delicious. to optimize my flavour.

i ran. and i think a coyote got him.

i hope to never live a day like this again.

nOaH!

Dear Reader(s?),

Okay so…SO – I may, I MAY have written a blog about this before on my myspace, I don’t remember. Unfortunately thanks to “Austin” the “15″ year old from the “United States” who hacked me and stole my account, thereby stealing my 1337 link -

http://www.myspace.com/omg

thats right, that WAS my link. Until he stole it. that little bastard.

Anyway, unfortunately all my blogs are now deleted so poor me has no way of accessing those records. So I will just write about it now, because its still a fucking problem, and even if I have scribed about it before, its worth another scribbing. hehe

I like it – dunkin donuts that is. I like it A Lot.

I like it A Whole Lot.

I especially like th Iced Mocha Lattes. Ooooh Yeah. Those delicious Iced Cold sexxy mocha espresso milk delicious heaven angel splooge.

They were always perfect, always iced, always mocha, always latte, always delicious. The only variation was -

“Would you like Whipped Cream?”

to which one would calmly respond either yes or no.

thats how things WERE

suddenly i go into D&D and my merry world of delight and sugar coated espresso beverages and droplets of globby sugar melted between my teeth fizzles away as I order an iced mocha latte…

can i have an iced mocha latte

“would you like whipped cream?”

yes

okay, im done. time to trade the big lady this green papers for that candy….right?

“would you like whole milk or skim milk”

……………

“would you like whole milk or skim milk”

I DUNNO, you tell ME. how is it normally made????

“you can make it with either”

im distressed, why is this happening to me? why is perfection skewed, paradise lost. my world, my life will never be the same. except- soon enough i learn they usually make it with whole milk – fine. ive learned. now i live with the inconvenience of options i never questioned considered or desired. fine.

a new day.

can i have…

“would you like whipped cream?”

yes

“would you like whole or skim milk?”

WHOLE

all right. im ready now, its that time again.  i give the Seal Woman these paper leaves and I am given that liquid gold….come on….make the trade…….im nervous.

“would you like sugar?”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

why is this happening to me?  WHAT DO yOU mEaN dO I wANt SugAr?

i could say yes

i could say no

both sound believable…..whats the right answer?

WHY am I being tested.  did I ever stray from my path as a devoted follower of the iced mocha latte?  no, i did not.  and now i am beign punished.  twisted around painful corners of confusion.  do i want sugar?  no.  i want my drink.  i want that perfect drink, i dont need you perverting its essence with these variables.  IT DOESNOT NEED 2BECHANGED.

people are always trying to change what they don’t understand.

if people had their way with me -YOU KNOW I WOULD BE CHANGED.

im different, so people like to question me, and tyr to make me into soemthign that i am not.  and you know what I have to SAY 2 THAT?!?!?! do you know?  i bet you don’t because youd enevr even wait to hear my opinion.

my life is constant pain -and i had my one release.  my fortress of solitude.

but you had to take that away – didn’t you?  yyeah, i bet you did.

well, its gone now, i hope youre happy.  im not ever going to be able to live like that again. you took from me, my one chance. my only, chance..

nOaH!!

Dear Reader(s?),

I’m watchign Survivor China right now, and I have to tell you -

I love Denise Martin.

She is a Lunch Lady

“She has also had a number of past occupations, among them central office technician for a phone company, short-order cook, and a video game route along eight different colleges. She would travel regularly to repair video game arcade cabinets and juke boxes for these various institutions. Apart from her work, she is also a second degree black belt in American Kenpo karate, and trains with the Revere Karate Academy. She has even recently opened her own training dojo, the Douglas Karate Club.“

The Douglas in Douglas Karate Club stands for Douglas MA. Yes.

You Heard Me Correctly.

That angelic creature lives in Massachusetts.

Anyway I like her hair and shes really sweet, she almost started crying because she saw a buddhist temple. Isn’t that sweet? I also like that she opened her own training dojo. Let me ask you this – How many of all y’all have opened yr own training dojo?

Her Tride won the first challenge, so I am not stressing right now for to be voted off the Island.

However the other tribe lost a treasure – Chicken.

weird how he looks like a real chicken. I know I’ll miss him, he was a sweetie, but I guess the tribe has spoken. I bet if I was on that show I’d have made love to chicken.

nOaH!

…..sorry

I just saw some cool wal-mart commercial where a football players mother was explaining why shes such a good mom…’cause she provides food for her little lineman.

i just thought it was disturbing how all she unloaded was cheezits doritoes and pepsi

no – “thats what i eat” i said….

so how can a football player and i eat the same diet?

unless i 2 can be as powerful as a football

i have awoken

nOaH!

edit-i only drink diet coke, pepsi is for bastards

dear reader (s?),

So, if you’re like me…you love Honesty Box – on facebook.

Oh and can I just say whoever said

“I think your taste in friends sucks. But you’re pretty great” –or something like that

I REALLY would like to know who you are. Simply because I actually have the perfect taste in friends. I’m thinking maybe, your taste in friends might suck ball dick. Now I feel hesitant to call you a cum drinker, seeing as you like me so much. But I am guessing you’d stop liking me if u spent any ammount of time with me – spades a spade. No, I’m kidding. Theres no reason 4 any1 not 2 like m3. I Honestly (lol) believe it, and I don’t need no damn box 2 tell me that. I’m nice -AND Fun.

I love Honesty Box because as a result of it, you were able 2 say that to me.

And, while you’re crazy, you got to let that sucker out.  if you hadn’t it could have kept boiling up in you until one day u might have shot me at the mall, or something.  so i am taking this moment to Honestly say thank you.  (i hope u read blogs)

And I am now able 2 get out a lot as well! I just think its a pretty genius little piece of programming. However Alta and I suggest they let people pay $$$ (clue : cash dollars) to find out who said stuff. That would be sweet, I would pay cash money to know.

ANyway – my real BEEF is that its always fucking broken. i need honesty when i need honesty, and Honestly, i dont need 2 be teased and tossed around like a god damn piece of shit! the link below will show u my video taped candid response to seeing their DAMN “page is down” bull SHIT.

click 2 see my candid response

Just Remember: I can’t be bought, but I can be rented!

nOaH!

sofia painted it.  its awesome

apple paltrow to be, i swear

suri cruise 2 be, i swear

luvs these jeans

Dear Readers,

As I wake up this mourning – roll my soft body off the ground, and slumberly maneuver myself to the bathroom where I gaze into the mirror…I realize sumthing.

I will never be perfect

I’m not going 2 fight nature anymore, sum1 up there wants me this way and he aint budgin’. Besides who’m I to say otherwise? I have tried to shed those extra bags…again..and again……and again. it never stays off and I am losing my motivation. I have scrubbed at my blemishes – those dark old circles, gaping endless sores.

to no avail.

My eyes are crossed – I look like my fucking cat.

Hey, isn’t that my hat? Damn cat.

My hair is mousey

I have cankles

“

” – from http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cankles

I have tried to please every1, but I can only do so much.

This is the only decent picture I have of myself.

I’m sick of trying 2 be sumthing I’m not. I love myself, and I love who I am, and I love the me. That picture was taken of my on the happiest day of my life. And I just want 2 remember that, and not waste any more time trying 2 be sumthing I will never be.

screw u if u don’t support me.

I DON’t nEeD u

nOaH!