Dear Reader(s?),
It is challenging to face trials. Like the desire to make interesting choices. Interesting, not necessarily bad choices. Instead, extremely exciting choices! Like, Oh! This is a Great idea. I might regret it later, BUT I SURE DON’T RIGHT NOW. It is challenging to wake up and want to become a time machine. Return to the places you were before, and alter the choices you’ve made. Speeding by u can be seen the many ways you can now decide to seek vengence upon yourself for making such a dumb decision. And after wearing away at your soul with regret your body will eventually forget its worries. At this point, you will decide to do it again, and then you will die from anxiety.
Or at least it seems that way.
This is what I feel. But it can’t be what I believe, because its not. In reality, I truly believe nothing is too big of a deal. I am referring to the mundane actions we take that may not be healthy for us, or seem to not be, and yet we do them anyway. We fill ourselves with regret and shame, for what? Guess what, Everyone else does it too. And everyone else is O.K.
Paranoia. Fear. Anxiety that creeps up into your chest and there it releases stabbing nightmares materialized as a Freak Out. It feeds off of your indulgence in it. With every momement you concentrate on the ‘mistakes’ you’ve made, and the dramatic response to this, it swells and deepens its roots into the dead dirty earth of your body. Its comfort is your terror, and soon you’re shaken spirit wants to escape into the exosphere and beyond.
Concern for your self is good. A little healthy worry will preserve you. But there is a line, and once crossed those concerns become damages. While preserving you’re body, the Life in which you are attempting to preserve is in jeopardy of becoming constant anguish from unnecessary doubt, regret, fear. These Demons are sent from Hell to keep you chained to the beasts they themselves created.
Rising above, and finding calm. Its not coming to a realization. Its accepting what you already know. or for me anyway. If I can convince myself beyond these whispering spirits of what I Know to be true. If I can live my life the way the Rubies and the Amethysts and Emerald stones prescribe for me, I can be happy. And these Gems show us the beauty that life really is. And so What if you do that. Its is not that big of a deal. So What if that happened. It Is Not A Big Deal. Morality is important. And the things you do need to be just that. Depending on who you ask, morality may be a loose and form fitting upon desire. I want this, I will do that – and my conscience is at ease, because I am going to twist it every which way so that I am Justified; This is Right. That is wrong.
Deep down you know if you’re actions are decent or indecent. Unfortunately we get confused about the severity of the trials we are faced with. Stop Panicking. Most people panic over the most mundane troubles. regret things they’;ve done, feelign shameful, and wanting to go back and undo. But if we all had the crystal lenses that the moon sees through, it would be clear – Do not suffer regret. Do Not live in Fear. No matter what you’ve done, no matter what has happened to you. Its all about Life, and Yours, at that. And what good is regretting how horrible you have it? Nothing is produced from this feeling. And the life in which you are so desperately attempting to exist in is now a personal Hell.
Its taking em soem time and surely more to translate these words into something my body can know. I am tired of sinking in fear. And no matter what happens, at least I am here, and I am not Somewhere Else.
